Several months ago, I began searching for Buddhist resources, both locally and online. I was looking on behalf of someone else, I thought.
But a funny thing happened as I explored blogs and podcasts, talked to friends and bought books at our local used bookstore.
I discovered that I was the one standing in the need of mindfulness.
The pieces fell into place. I decided I could make time in the morning to practice yoga for 20 minutes, and then sit for 10 minutes. I believe in starting small.
Neither yoga nor meditation come easily for me. Meditation is particularly difficult, since my mind is very active.
A few days ago I was thinking while I was meditating–yes, thinking. I was thinking about what my mind felt like, and I imagined a swarm of bees. I thought (yes, more thinking), well, that’s interesting. And I thought about it a while more before I remembered to come back to my breath.
I wondered what to do about the swarm. I thought, “I need to find the queen bee.” And, “I wonder why bees swarm.”
Later that day I discovered that swarming is how bees reproduce. When conditions in the hive get crowded, the queen takes about 60% of the hive with her, and they head off to find a new home. A new queen emerges to lead the original hive.
I wondered what that meant for me. The energy within me–in my mind, in my body–does feel crowded, pent-up, without outlet. I need to find my internal leader, my core self, and take some of that energy in search of a new home.
Yoga. Meditation. Good first steps.
But also freewriting. More regular blogging. Playtime with the acrylic paints Liesl bought for my birthday.
Real-world connections with friends. Committee work at the fellowship.
Teaching myself how to make sourdough bread. Washing the dishes while washing the dishes.
And the MFC reading list, of course.
Off we go, bees. Let’s see what we can find.